Customizing Holidays for My Deaf Son

By Kate Hentzen, Nebraska H&V

Like Hands & Voices motto, “What works for your child is what makes the choice right.”^tm, holiday celebrations differ between families and what works for one family’s holiday may not work for another. Milo, my bilaterally implanted deaf eight-year-old, prefers to use oral communication. For the last several years, he has eschewed sign language in favor of listening and spoken language and reading lips with the occasional receptive sign during the few times his implants are off. We have large extended family gatherings around Christmas. If you asked Milo his favorite things about Christmas he would without a doubt, say 1) presents and 2) playing with his cousins. These “cousins” include his first cousins who range from ages 2-15, a pair of second cousins his age from Colorado he sees a couple times a year, and finally my twenty-something cousins who still love to play catch and tag with Milo and his hearing older brother at family events.

Every year around the holidays, I start seeing social media posts about how to accommodate and be inclusive with our Deaf /Hard of Hearing kids in large gatherings. The majority of these obviously focus on communication and how to make gatherings accessible for our kids. Not all these ideas were something I could control or something my child would agree he needed.

Key strategies to consider and my personal use of them:

Visual communication

• Sign language: Learn basic signs or encourage others to learn to communicate directly with your child.
  • As mentioned above, my child doesn’t use a lot of sign language but is very familiar with me signing “No” and “Stop” from across a room.
• Facial expressions and gestures: Use exaggerated facial expressions and gestures to convey meaning.
  • We do try to utilize this when needed.
• Visual aids: Utilize pictures, written instructions, and captions on screens.
  • Milo is usually too busy running around for this one, but if he is watching TV (e.g., a holiday movie) we routinely use closed captions.

Planning and awareness

• Involve your child: Let them participate in planning holiday activities and decorations.
  • Milo’s Nana is always asking all the kids (and their parents) what games and activities they would like to have. She puts her Recreation Management degree and years managing community centers to effective use at holiday gatherings. I highly recommend it.
• Educate others: Inform family and friends about how to communicate with a deaf or hard of hearing child.
  • For us, this typically consists of reminding family Milo likely didn’t hear them in loud environments and helping get his attention when people want to speak with him.
• Noise management: Minimize background noise by adjusting music volume and creating quiet areas.
  • I honestly don’t try to adjust the background noise but help Milo manage if he needs help during any interactions with family.

If you asked Milo his favorite things about Christmas he would without a doubt, say #1 presents and #2 playing with his cousins.

Accessible activities

• Interactive crafts: Choose crafts with visual elements and clear instructions.
  • Milo is generally too active to be interested in crafts.
• Storytime with visuals: Read stories with pictures or sign language interpretation.
  • Milo is to the point where he can read to himself and to his younger cousins and doesn’t need these supports.
• Visual games: Play games that rely on visual cues like charades or Pictionary.
  • Milo loves active games regardless of any visual cues, and his older brother gives him no leeway in any competition.

Consider the environment

• Lighting: Ensure well-lit spaces for easier communication.
  • We do try to have well-lit spaces for all our gatherings.
• Seating arrangements: Position yourself where your child can easily see your face.
  • Milo prefers to sit at the “kids’ table” with all his cousins, regardless of how the table is set up, so he can talk to his favorite cousin sitting next to him.
• Clear sightlines: Remove large decorations that might obstruct views.
  • In general, we avoid large centerpieces on tables.

Important considerations

• Breaks and downtime: Allow your child to take breaks when needed to avoid sensory overload.
  • Milo generally will NOT take breaks while the action is going on unless dragged away, so we preemptively schedule downtime before or after the holiday event if we can.
• Adaptive technology: Utilize assistive listening devices like Roger Pens if necessary.
  • We love to bring our Roger On to any large gathering or gathering in a large area to help with communication. My husband and I often remark how nice it would be if our hearing child could have something similar.
• Positive reinforcement: Celebrate your child’s participation and understanding.
  • Milo’s cousins love spending the holidays with him, which is the best reinforcement he can get.

Prepping for holidays can be exhausting between buying presents, coordinating holiday parties, remembering school dress up days, meeting Santa on top of the regularly scheduled spelling lists, packing lunches, laundry, basketball games, Cub Scouts, and gymnastics of our normal day to day life. By the time the actual holidays roll around, I’m usually in survival mode, which means just showing up for the gatherings and letting my deaf kid run feral around the basement or community center gym playing with his cousins. There was no noise management, visual aids, or downtime. We played games that relied on hearing. Milo ate at a table with just his cousins and brother with the Roger On or an adult to help.

Sometimes your best holiday memories are giggling at something your 5-year-old cousin whispered to you at the table because you don’t really care what the grown-ups are talking about at the other end or building a fort in your great grandma’s basement while you read your new books in your jammies from the Christmas Fairy. Sometimes it’s okay to focus on being a kid at Christmas and not a deaf kid at Christmas. After the holidays, we will get back to advocating, accommodating, and communicating. In the future, we will likely incorporate some of the above tips if and when Milo lets us know they will work for him.  ~

H&V Communicator – Fall 2025