In a Perfect World

What the World Needs Now

By Leeanne Seaver, H&V Headquarters © 2021

When Jacqueline Oduor spoke at our 2015 H&V Leadership Conference, we were rapt. Not just because she was sharing the incredible story of single-parenting her three children (one deaf) and adopting two more deaf kids while starting a Hands & Voices chapter in her native Kenya, but because she embodied an amazing combination of courage and vulnerability. We were all moms (and dads) and we could relate on so many levels.

Except for the names and, admittedly, a lot of other changes, the story is the same one when you have a child who is Deaf or hard of hearing—but it’s also entirely different. In the midst of all kinds of variables, there is solid ground where we connect as parents… common ground. We were all feeling that with Jackie, just like we feel that with each other. We feel connected.

No matter how many miles and cultural differences separate us, there is a palpable, almost intimate connection amongst even the newest in the H&V tribe. And here’s the thing: It’s not because we all use the same mode or method of communication as families. There’s something far more powerful and unitive going on here.

Our secret sauce is compassion.

All the Feels

The importance of compassion cannot be overstated. In the book, Compassionomics: The Revolutionary Scientific Evidence That Caring Makes a Difference,* author-scientists Stephen Trzeciak and Anthony Mazzarelli cite research that “demonstrates that human connection in health care matters in astonishing ways” and “forty seconds of compassion can save a life.”

It’s nice to know there’s scientific evidence to validate what’s driven H&V for more than 25 years.

*www.compassionomics.com and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elW69hyPUuI

Have a Heart

In a word, compassion is what propels our organization. As parents, we know what it feels like to be told our baby “failed” the hearing screen. We know the look on our child’s face when s/he/they are left out or ignored by hearing peers. Ours is the lived-experience of wondering if this is a Deaf thing or a two-year-old thing or a communication mishap or just a bad day? We know that look on another parent’s face. 

Out of necessity, we have turned commiseration into aspiration. Our parent-driven leadership, unbiased family support, Guide By Your Side direct parent-to-parent services, FL3, Fostering Joy project, the mama-grizzly of all advocacy—our ASTra program, and more—are all compelled by knowing how such things feel and wanting to make things better.

As parents and as an organization, we’ve tried things that didn’t work and celebrated things that were successful. We’ve found solace and inspiration in one another’s journey.

“Parent leaders are naturally drawn to their work out of compassion for other families like their own,” said Candace Lindow Davies, Director of Outreach at H&V. “To me, the magic happens when healthcare, education, human services, et al., recognize the power of compassion and turn to parent leaders to infuse systemic compassion into the care of families with D/HH kids. And when that compassion not only looks beyond but celebrates differences in communication, school placement, use of technology, culture, religion, additional health challenges, geography, language; that’s when our kids really can reach their true potential. That’s Hands & Voices.”

What the World Needs Now

When word reached us that Jackie Oduor had died unexpectedly in 2021, the impact sent shock waves through the parent-community. The grief was profound at H&V, and with our international GPODHH parent community. From America to Australia, the parent network was buzzing with WhatsApp messages, Facebook posts, texts, emails, calls, and IMs checking in with each other and worrying about her children. What can we do—what can we do? Is there anything we can do?

As of this writing, we are all still asking that question.

It is surely a gift to have the capacity to feel deeply for the welfare of another family… especially a faraway family using a different language, living a different culture. That is a gift a deaf child can bring to a family. Doesn’t the world need a lot more of that?  ~

H&V Communicator – Winter 2022