Becoming a Parent Leader
Peace of Mind in North Dakota
By Leslie Halseth, North Dakota H&V
H&V Communicator – Fall 2018
It’s been about eight years since my son Conner was diagnosed with hearing loss. His was a late diagnosis. He was in kindergarten when the words “hearing loss” first entered our vocabulary. In fact, it was at his first parent/teacher conference when his kindergarten teacher said to us, “Have you ever had Conner’s hearing checked?” Our immediate response was no– we never felt like he needed it done.
Conner was born in a Turkish hospital in Adana, Turkey. Both his dad and I were active duty military and stationed in Turkey when we found out we were pregnant. There was no special testing when he was born. The only people who spoke English in the delivery room were Conner’s dad, my doctor and me. We spent a few days in the hospital and Conner never left my room and then we went home. As a first-time mom, I had no idea what I was doing let alone what questions to ask. We arrived in Minot, North Dakota when Conner was seven-months-old. Other than the one-week stay in the hospital for Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV), Conner was a relatively happy go-lucky baby and seemed to sail through his well-baby checks. There was never a time that we questioned his hearing.
Fast-forward to kindergarten when this wonderful teacher was placed in our lives. (We may have gone years without ever getting his hearing checked without her.) We pursued testing and learned he had sensorineural hearing loss in both ears. My sweet boy was six and he had hearing loss. I had a million questions. How will he function in the real world? How do hearing aids work? Will he be a regular kid in a regular school? Unfortunately for us, we only had information from one audiologist. To this day, I could not tell you if she answered my questions or if she offered up any support programs. I do remember he was fitted for ear molds and then we came back and he was given the aids. I remember going home and going in my bedroom and crying. How could this have happened? Why my kid? The reality of just how significant his hearing loss was hit me when we walked out of the audiology office and Conner asked, “What is that sound?” I looked at him confused. “What sound, honey? Do you mean the cars passing by?” He answered, “yeah, Mommy, I never really heard that before.” I can tell you I wanted to crawl in a hole and cry, but I couldn’t in front of Conner. Instead, I smiled at him and said “Aren’t those new ears awesome?”
As a parent, we never want to hear that there is anything wrong with our child. We want them to be perfect! We imagine a great life for them and never want them to struggle. We were lucky enough to get a new audiologist, who answered all my questions and made me feel like everything was going to be okay. She never made me feel like my questions were stupid. But my reality was that I had her for maybe 30 minutes and we would walk out of her office and we were alone again in our hearing loss journey. She had other patients to take care of and was doing all she could for us. But I felt alone; and so was my son. My child went to a school where he was the only one who wore hearing aids.
Somehow, we survived. But in January 2018, I received two emails that I feel like have been the beginning a new hearing loss journey for my family. The first one asked if I would attend an Early Hearing Detection and Intervention (EHDI) conference. I had no idea what EHDI was,so I immediately googled it. I couldn’t have been more excited. I was just invited into a world that I couldn’t have imagined even existed. The second email asked if I would be interested in attending a Learning Community meeting for ND Hands & Voices. Again, I was being asked to be part of a world that I had prayed for with parents just like me, different stories and different diagnoses, but essentially just like me!
Needless to say I jumped at the chance to be part of this Learning Community. I met a group of wonderful parents and we all shared our stories. My eyes were opened to a new world. A world where there was support for parents dealing with children who are deaf, hard of hearing, wear aids, or are implanted. I’ve never told anyone this, but driving home from that first Learning Community meeting I cried. I cried because I was so happy that there were other people like me. Others who understood my journey as a mom of a child with hearing loss. Others who were working hard to make sure that families like mine wouldn’t be alone in their journey. Working hard to see that families, whenever they were identified, would have support of other knowledgeable parents.
Hands & Voices has been an absolute saving grace for my sanity. I feel like I can breathe when we walk into the audiologist’s office because no matter how an appointment goes (good or bad) I have a support system now. I have someone I can call and who will truly understand my struggle, someone who can listen or reflect with me, cry with me and answer questions I might have or guide me to others who might offer support. Becoming a family that is connected with Hands & Voices has been one of the greatest things to happen to us.
I joined the Board of Directors for the North Dakota Hands & Voices Chapter so I can begin to give back and help other families. ~