Coming to My (Five) Senses

Advocacy Corner: An IEP Strategy for Parents 

By Beth Jones, Nevada H&V

I am a mom of three children with two children who are Deaf/Hard of Hearing. All three kids have had IFSPs, IEPs, and/or a 504 Plan at one point in their young lives. When I first began attending their meetings, I researched tips for successful approaches to use before, during, and after meetings, yet I often struggled to find my confidence in using these strategies. Over the years, and over dozens of meetings, I developed several of my own practices to help me before, during and after meetings to come to my senses and help find my confidence.

Sight: The term “dress for success” was not something I thought about in my early days when attending my kids’ IEP meetings. Do not get me wrong: I was not showing up in sweatpants covered in spit-up. But as a stay-at-home mom of an infant, toddler and preschooler I certainly did not want to spend hours of extra time (and arrange extra childcare) so I could perfect my hair, put on a full face of make-up or to dress up in my “Sunday Best” for a 40-minute meeting. I thought what I wore had no impact on my kids’ educational goals. I quickly learned that it did have impact, not necessarily on the outcome of the IEP itself but in how I was perceived and ultimately in my faith in myself. Taking extra time for myself to look the part of my child’s expert was key in feeling like I had a place at the table with the rest of the professionals.

Taste: Many times, when one googles “IEP Tips”, the topic of bringing food to meetings comes up. While this can be a controversial issue, I am the mom who began bringing donuts to every meeting when my children started attending, and I do this for several reasons. While I do like to show my gratitude to the school team and all their hard work, I also do it to alter moods. Typical mornings getting ready for school are busy enough, but IEP mornings are crazy in our house. In the hustle to alter our morning routine and get out the door early, I often skip breakfast and have too much coffee, therefore become hungry and ultimately angry. The last thing any of us need is a “hangry” team member. Providing an opportunity for a slight sugar rush allows all team members to focus on the purpose of the meeting rather than when they will get to eat next. Our tradition of bringing donuts also gave my children a chance to pick out the flavors and seasonal paper plates and napkins to bring. When my kids saw smiles on the other team members faces, they felt more comfortable communicating on their own behalf and felt like part of the team. Again, I do not bring donuts as a bribe, to be better liked, or feel that I owe anyone anything. Ultimately, I prefer happy teams. Plus, I just really like donuts. Recently, Harrison’s team (pictured) surprised us by carrying on our tradition. They brought their own donuts when we had to meet remotely this year.

Smell: A few years into our journey, I had the privilege of meeting another mom of a Deaf/hard of hearing adult who generously assisted our family when seeking a medical referral out of state. During our visit to a specialist, she gifted me a bottle of perfume. Normally this is not something I indulge in, but I wore it the first chance I got: at my daughter’s annual IEP meeting the next week.  The scent immediately reminded me of this powerful and inspiring mentor mom, giving me confidence in my own abilities. I began wearing this perfume on all IEP mornings just for the boost.

Sound: At the very first Nevada Hands & Voices meeting I attended, I met a Parent Guide whose son was the same age as mine, and we quickly bonded. The day before the first IEP I had to attend without my husband, she gave me a pep talk. She said she would “be there by my side” in spirit. The next morning, while nervously flipping through radio stations driving to school, I heard the song “Whom Shall I Fear” by Chris Tomlin. His words and the choir singing, “the God of angel armies is always by my side” flooded me with a sense of confidence.  I knew my kids would always have their own angel army standing beside them to make sure they can reach their highest potential. Years later, I still find peace in listening to this song while prepping for meetings as a reminder of the amazing support system surrounding my children.

Touch: When each of my children were born, my mother gave me bracelets with each of their names spelled out in block beads. I did not have chance to wear jewelry much as it did not go well with my daily stay-at-home mom uniform of the aforementioned sweats, but paring them with my professional IEP attire seemed to be the perfect opportunity. They helped me to achieve my polished look, it felt like a little piece of my mom was with me (who is big part of my kids’ lives). If I find myself losing confidence, I touch the beads that spell my babies names. It grounds me in my “why”.

Albert Einstein once said, “no idea is conceived in our mind independent of our five senses”. While the use of my five senses may not be strategies that work for everyone, I urge parents to find their own purposeful ways of feeling powerful in their roles as experts. And please, above all else, never go to a meeting “hangry”.  ~

Editor’s note: terminology noted above –  IEP is an Individualized Education Program. IFSP is an Individualized Family Service Plan in early intervention, and a 504 Plan is the list of accommodations and supports in schools related to Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act, a federal civil rights law, that protects people with disabilities from discrimination. Find out more at:  https://handsandvoices.org/astra/index.html

Hands & Voices Communicator