One Family’s Journey

My Little Brother

by Grace Benham, Colorado School for the Deaf and the Blind

Being the only child was my normal life before another child joined our family. In the old days, I was longing for a sibling and frequently requested a playmate. I’d been adopted from South Korea, and now I wanted someone to play with, share stories, talk with, and share experiences. The world was not exactly my world, because I am different. I can’t hear, which got me left out of the hearing world. My heart was aching for someone to be there with me; to talk with me. Someone with the same experiences and struggles, to face obstacles along with me and to have someone in the future to share family memories.

My parents finally made the big decision to adopt another child. I felt excited and apprehensive. With zero experience in having a sibling, I was nervous facing our future life. To my knowledge, my new sibling had no communication or education and he would have to start from scratch. I questioned how we would communicate with each other. I wondered what first steps I should take in helping him develop language. After all, he was almost nine years old with no language, no experiences. We shared nothing in common, except our deafness.

The journey to China was everlasting and nerve-wracking. The airplane trip was thirteen hours long and it was like going through time travel. When we finally officially adopted him, he was confused and angry, scratching us like a cat. Nobody could explain what was happening at the time. He was clinging to his foster mother as if his life depended on it. It appeared that he was about to lose everything he knew. Desperately, he tried to make his thoughts known, but without language, he struggled as a fish floundering on the deck of a boat.

The second half of our journey began, returning to our home, a place he had never seen or known. Upon arrival, he gained a whole new family, real grandparents, an aunt, uncles and even cousins. I watched him learn a new language like he learned his first steps. I had the same experience as him but as a two-year-old. At nine-years-old, he had more struggles to learn the new language and to catch up with everything in our culture and world. For me, the new family member was a dramatic change. My responsibility increased exponentially. To become his role model, I had to take my time to help him, behave well, and show him the ropes of what it meant to be a member of a family.

One day, while sitting in the backseat of the car, he started a conversation with me. Peculiarly, our conversation ended up running longer than a few minutes. We laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. I thought back to when I was the only child; I never spent time with anyone but myself in the backseat of the car. My parents could not look back to the backseat to have a real conversation. After signing awhile with my brother, my neck was sore. I was glad because I could not remember ever having had my neck ache after chatting with someone in the car.

Several years have passed, and I still find myself on the road less travelled by many as they have never had the opportunity to take in a new family member who had no language, didn’t understand the culture he grew up in, much less adapting to a new culture. Every day, I find myself explaining concepts to him that most children learn when they are very young. His struggles are also my struggles. After all, we are different people with similar experiences but, at the end of the day, we are a family.

A note from Dr. Nancy E. Benham, mom of Grace and Luke

Grace is a junior in high school, reading on the 11th grade level! Why do I use exclamation points? She is profoundly Deaf. Grace came to my husband and I, at two years of age, using maybe 10-20 American Sign Language signs. 14 years have passed and I’m happy to say that she excels in school. For my friends who aren’t familiar with reading levels and Deaf children, what Grace has accomplished isn’t the norm. Unfortunately, English is an auditory language and for a child who is Deaf, English isn’t accessible. I truly attribute Grace’s success to immersing her in the Deaf community and giving her access to the world through American Sign Language. While she missed out on two years during the critical age for developing language, immersion into the Deaf community and developing language using ASL is what has made all the difference! Language is the key to understand, interact and experience the world. Language opens the doors to everything. Language is accessible to all, regardless of hearing abilities, by using ASL.

I am not against technology such as hearing aids or cochlear implants, but access to language is the key. Hearing aids and cochlear implants are tools that may help someone to hear speech sounds and the sounds around them, but there is no guarantee that the tools will work or to what level they will help.

Grace doesn’t benefit from technology such as hearing aids and is not a candidate for a cochlear implant. By having been given access to language as early as we could, she has achieved what all parents want for their children. Why? Because she has a strong foundation in language–ASL. Having that first language has allowed her to develop and connect to a second language–English. While she can’t hear English or speak English, she has access through the written form of English. In the spring, Grace is going to take a course or two at the local community college, while continuing her high school classes.   ~

Editor’s note: Dr. Nancy J. Benham is the Superintendent of the Colorado School for the Deaf and the Blind. 

H&V Communicator – Winter 2020