No More Secrets

Loud and Proud with UHL

I am a professional who grew up with unilateral hearing loss (UHL). I have a profound sensorineural hearing loss in my left ear. I was born before the endorsement of newborn hearing screening; the detection of my UHL did not occur until I was four years old during a Kindergarten hearing exam. My parents were never 100 percent sure if I was late identified or not. My mother has an intuition that perhaps my hearing loss occurred during delivery. Once I was diagnosed, my parents wholeheartedly accepted my UHL and made appropriate arrangements for my IEP services in school. However, we did not speak much at home about my hearing loss. I realize now that this lack of conversation perhaps contributed to my wish to keep my hearing loss a secret.

Growing up with UHL, I remember feeling different and shy, confused by my loss. I recall despising the game, “Telephone,” sitting in a circle with friends or classmates, turning my head around to my right ear for access, or pretending I heard the secret message in my left ear. Having no instruction in self-advocacy most likely affected my self-esteem around peers. I worked emphatically to fit in, pretending I had typical hearing in both of my ears. I covertly ensured that my friends and family stood or sat on my right side when needed, and accepted the struggle when I couldn’t move them to my right side. Years went by before I trusted a friend enough to share my UHL. I lived my life afraid of talking about it, anxious about what people might think. It surprised me each time I finally did tell a friend. They accepted me exactly as I was. I was astonished that the news was “no big deal” to any of them!

In school, I was one of the few mainstreamed hard of hearing students. My IEP delineated I utilize an FM system in the classroom. I did not have an accepting attitude towards technology as it contributed to my lower self-esteem. In the classroom, I experienced greater difficulty understanding speech with so much competing sound. I appeared inattentive, distracted, or frustrated, and remember being accused of having “selective hearing”. Looking back, I wish I had advocates who explained and normalized why school was difficult for me. My teacher of the deaf (TOD) supported me academically, but never explained the reason behind my classroom accommodations or provided strategies on how to communicate about my unique hearing loss to classmates and teachers.

I was not completely alone in the mainstream. Another student with UHL shared similar struggles and experiences with me. We were extremely close, and we felt lucky to have one another.

At last, college and adulthood are where I became comfortable with my self-concept and unilateral hearing! Having to be independent and finding an atmosphere of open communication inspired me to become more vocal about my accommodations in college classes and with peers. The more outspoken I was, the easier it was for me to hear! It was a gradual realization. Before I knew it, academics became a joy rather than a burden. These revelations led me to earn my bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Early Childhood Education. I taught Pre-Kindergarten and second grade. I strived to make my classroom a safe house for my students. I presented the range of skills and abilities in class as a celebration of people and their unique ways of learning. I was driven to create inclusive classrooms with open communication.

Learning about Deaf Culture, self-advocacy instruction and assistive technology choices changed the outlook of my self-identity. I enjoyed overcoming my challenges and additionally came full circle regarding hearing assistive technology. I now utilize MED -EL’S AdHear, a non-surgical bone conduction hearing aid. The AdHear has changed my life, providing me with sound awareness on my left side for the first time. Consequently, I am extremely vocal about unilateral hearing loss and view it as a strength rather than a deep dark secret. I have also come full circle as a Teacher of the Deaf in the state of Maine as well as a Deaf and Hard of Hearing Guide for Maine Hands & Voices. My professional life is fulfilled, creating trusting relationships with Deaf/hard of hearing children and their parents, sharing my personal experiences, and ensuring that we all feel heard and supported.

UHL does not have to be a secret! When I meet with parents, I share my story of longing for positive, open conversation at home and in school. It’s important to me to shed light on the significance of mental health and the development of one’s identity, self-concept, and self-esteem. I learned that positive, open communication about why children with UHL learn the way they do can work to accomplish this. My hope is for parents of students with UHL to be loud and proud, and model this for their child. I wish my parents had the opportunity to choose from the many services that exist today, with consultation and connection to children and families. As my journey with UHL continues as a deaf professional, and now a new mother, I share my story and support open conversations, in hopes to ignite children’s strengths and uncover their challenges with hearing loss.  ~