Strategic Partnerships: Authentically Engaging Together

By Janet DesGeorges, H&V HQ Executive Director, FL3 Principal Investigator (P.I.)

My life at times is filled with meetings. I occasionally look at my calendar and think, “Are all these meetings really getting us towards the goal of serving families of children who are D/HH effectively?”

I think the answer is: it depends.

When we think about parent engagement, leadership, and systems change, we begin to understand the power of relationships and strategic partnerships. (Thus, the meetings!) When stakeholders come together in a system as genuine partners, achieving a mutual purpose, we can move mountains.

But I’m sure we have all experienced meetings where nothing important is really discussed, relationships are not matured, and it’s more of “reporting out what I already know,” without much engagement or mutual purpose.

You may have seen the books… Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don’t Agree with or Like or Trust (Kahane 2017) and Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High (Patterson et al. 2012). The titles suggest that partnerships are often fraught with conflict or the challenges of working with those who don’t see things our way. I have various quotes on my desk about engaging with others. Someone recently told me, ‘We need to connect before we correct.’  I love that.

We all know what it feels like to be in healthy, productive, equal, life-giving partnerships. It’s a great feeling, which sometimes comes to you without a lot of effort. However, meaningful partnerships in complex systems set up to create improvements also require skill building and leadership to remain both strategic and authentic at the same time.

It all comes down to relationships

In the book “Crucial Conversations,” various tools are shared in effective working relationships. One of the principles in developing and maintaining relationships and being able to create space for real conversations is the idea of ‘making it safe.’ At times, we need to ask the following questions when working with others in partnerships: Have you established a mutual purpose? Are you maintaining mutual respect? What will you do to rebuild trust or safety if lost?

The following is a list of skills that we can all practice in our partnerships with others:

Apologize when appropriate. An apology isn’t really an apology unless it creates a change in heart.

Contrast to fix misunderstanding. When others misinterpret your purpose or motives, use the ‘do/don’t’ method:  DON’T – In this case, no need to apologize or say what you ‘don’t mean’. DO: confirm your respect and/or clarify your real purpose.

Create mutual purpose. Move to more encompassing goals that affect you and your partnership, and brainstorm new strategies.

(Derived from Crucial Conversations (Patterson, et al. 2012)

The Wisdom Among Us

In reaching out to friends and colleagues who have the ‘touch’ of collaboration, here are some of the comments they have shared:

Rick Hauan
(Executive Director, Center for Deaf and Hard of Hearing Youth, State of Washington):

Identifying strategic partners and potential partnerships is sometimes the challenge. You may know you need to work with someone who has similar goals, at least on the surface. The challenge is identifying who may have opposing views and yet wants to have as much of an impact on the system as you do. I find that when it is tough at the beginning, or I think I know (or may have facts) that a person will respond in a certain way, I tend to shy away. This is often the partnership you run from. Ironically, this may be just the person who may be standing in the way of achieving what you feel is critical. The first step is to set aside your assumptions and preconceived ideas and reach out. See if the other potential partner is willing to have an initial conversation. Go for a cup of coffee or a walk or some neutral activity for you both. For this to be successful, you must both agree it is worth doing the hard work to set aside your differences. For some, it is about engaging in the battle, not establishing a relationship. Know the difference. Don’t pick up the challenge if you feel this is the case. Sadly, some people prefer power over the partnership. Do not be shy about walking away to seek a different partner to advance your idea.

 If you check the first box and you both agree to try to develop a connection based on a common goal or desired outcome, try to identify something on which you can agree. Sometimes you must back WAY up and look at shared values, such as love of your kids, family, or the importance of values you share. Once you have opened up to acknowledging that you may have shared goals, even if they appear to be far from your own, you afford the vulnerability (a word with “ability” built in!) to try. At this point, the conversation can switch from “getting to know you” to sharing a common goal. Once you have identified a goal, you have begun the journey of establishing a relationship. Next, look for a small task on which you can both agree. Pursue it and make it succeed. Remember, compromise where it does not impact core values reveals strength, not weakness–and it will move you towards authentic engagement to affect a positive outcome. Each encounter where you can find similarities will melt the barrier that was there, a little at a time. 

I often have meetings or calls (many I even request!) where I feel ugh! I can’t take this call right now; I don’t have the energy. If I can put self aside and engage and share whatever ember of warmth I can muster deep inside, I almost always walk away feeling better. As I warned earlier, this is not always true. Sometimes, there are toxic people in your life who are looking for an angle to only receive or get something. If you sense this, politely thank them, and walk away. If, however, you can both set self aside and seek to understand and change your circumstance, you can see a shift and a desire to do as Gandhi taught and lived, to “be the change you wish to see in the world.” Doing this work is tough. Doing the work together is worth it and a load shared is lighter for everyone involved in the lifting. 

There is not a “cut and paste” recipe for successful partnerships. There have been volumes written to share tools, tips, tricks, and methods to help people understand the importance and possible ways of building and sharing common goals and growing and nurturing a partnership. Remember, each case is unique. Each partnership is unique between the two people or the group of people involved. We are all human and make mistakes. Offer grace and humility and ask for honesty and respect in return. You rarely go wrong when you share what you have to offer and put understanding at the center of a partnership.

Cheryl Johnson
(Owner, ADE-vantage Audiology Deaf Education Consulting Services)

 I think “the wisdom among us” is a great rationale for collaboration. Thoughts that come to mind: listen and reflect before contributing to a conversation; getting the right people on the bus generally yields the most progress; make sure everyone has the necessary information, so you are working from the same level of knowledge as it pertains to the topic at hand; try to eliminate emotional decisions by sticking to facts.

Janel Frost
(Executive Director, Michigan Hands & Voices)

Collaboration with other organizations in our field is critical to serving families. This is the only way we can truly wrap our arms around families with total support. Partnership with other organizations takes a lot of time and effort. It also takes a lot of trust. Building relationships with leadership from those organizations is critical. You must show that you are there to work together, not just to get something from them. They must see that you value what they have to offer as well as them getting something from your organization. It is a reciprocal relationship and both sides must be willing to support each other.

Candace Lindow-Davies (Director of Outreach, H&V Headquarters)

Humility, respect, and authentic curiosity are really important to me in creating partnerships. The humility to recognize the limits to your own knowledge, the respect for the work and lived experiences others can offer, and the authentic curiosity about the power of our combined wisdom can have on improving the lives of children, their families, and those who support them.

MaryPat Moeller (Author, Senior Scientist Emeritus, Boystown)

Late in my career, I came across a book that was helpful in my efforts to engage in partnership in various leadership roles. It was called Power of 2: How to Make the Most of Your Partnerships at Work and in Life by Rod Wagner and Gale Muller. One of the key concepts I learned was to appreciate and maximize the differences between members of the partnership. In one example, two of us were co-leading a project and we had quite different strengths, as well as a lot of similarities. By acknowledging our differences, we could step aside and let the other lead when there was a good match of individual strengths. These complementary strengths, when joined in this way, led to productivity and clarity for the team. We often relied on our shared abilities but having humility and purposefully leveraging the unique abilities of each partner made a significant difference in the long run.

Ana Brooks
(Oregon Hands & Voices GBYS Guide, Special Projects H&V HQ, Oregon Family to Family Health Information, Bilingual Outreach & Training Specialist.)

In working with others to create engaging partnerships, I begin by treating everyone as an ally. I often visualize how this relationship is an extension of the work our community partners and I do as symbiotic. How can we both do what need to do and come together to maximize our impact in supporting the community? In my experience, establishing an engaging partnership takes both time and trust. Being consistent and fostering effective communication helps to build these relationships. 

Michaela Hamaker
(Program Coordinator, Texas Hands & Voices, Guide by Your Side)

Like any other relationship in our lives, business or strategic relationships must be nurtured. We must take time to learn about each other, our philosophies, and our goals and build a rapport. I usually do research about the company or individual and take time to learn about them or the services they provide so we are sure our goals with one another would align. Until you’ve been able to lay a foundation of trust, mutual respect, and understanding, you’re simply just having a conversation with one another. The goal is to define our needs and work toward a common outcome. Be clear about what you want and what you can provide. If it’s not a good fit, it just isn’t, and that is okay!  Be consistent and trustworthy and follow through with any tasks discussed. Keep your interactions positive and productive. It’s not easy growing something new, but the feeling of making an impact on other families and the potential rewards they will reap makes sowing the seeds worth it! 

Snigdha Sarkar  (Director, Anwesha Kolkata, India)

Networking and collaborationwith organizations in the same field and in other fields are valuable in rendering services to families and in pursuing advocacy. There are issues specific to a disability and there are generic issues. Collaborative advocacy can go a long way toward realizing the rights of persons with disabilities. Anwesha Kolkata has been a member of the Disability Activists Forum, West Bengal (DAF WB) for many years and has been enriched by this association. It has helped raise the parents’ awareness, build connections with parents of children with hearing loss and other disabilities, activists in the field, and develop a broader perspective of looking beyond one’s own child. DAF WB is a cross disability platform that works towards ensuring rights of persons with disabilities across the state. I am working as the current President of the forum. Disability is a heterogenous issue. When we work in solidarity, possibilities of bringing systemic changes forward are brighter. Collaboration also creates opportunities for learning from one another, referral support for families, sharing of information, knowledge and collaborative advocacy.

Sara Kennedy
(Editor, H&V Communicator)

Magic happens when partners reach beyond their circle to risk co-production of services. What if having those awkward conversations about what services look like can lead to better outcomes for all? What if your knowledge can improve my impact as a Family-based organization (FBO) or an FBO’s wisdom can reduce a barrier for families?

And finally, short and to the point, (and one my greatest needs…)

Sarah Beth McClellen
(Health Resources and Services Administration [HRSA] EHDI Lead)

We need to listen more than we speak!

When you look at a successful venture within your organization, it will certainly point to the fact that there was a unique and vital group that contributed to the outcome and improvement in a system. As Walt Whitman said, “Have you learned lessons only from those who admired you and were tender with you and stood aside for you? Have you not learned great lessons from those who braced themselves against you and disputed the passage with you?” Next time you feel challenged in accomplishing something because someone is standing in your way, or you don’t feel the connection/partnership, know that you might be in exactly the right spot to make a difference in the world.  ~