Checking in with Kids Creates Safety
By Janet DesGeorges and Sara Kennedy, H&V Headquarters
We at Hands & Voices wanted to share the news that parents and professionals can help our growing kids who are Deaf/Hard of Hearing be safe in the world. There are resources to help parents, kids, and the community to understand specific skills, knowledge and practices that can keep our kids safe and independent. Those same skills lead to success in school and community life. Our children in their youngest years, especially birth to three, are the most isolated from others, so we know we had to get this information to young families as early in their journeys as possible. One of the foundations for creating safety in a child’s world is through regular ‘check ins’ as everyday practice. This article focuses on strategies that you can incorporate into your day-to-day life of parenting.
Prevention is a Daily Practice
Intentionally make a routine out of checking in with your child. If your child is not yet communicating, you can observe how they are reacting, notice any changes in their behavior, appearance, expression, or attitude. All behavior is communication, so watch even more carefully for their own safety if your child communicates differently. Individuals less familiar with your child than you may misinterpret a change in your child’s behavior as “not understanding a situation” vs. looking for other sources of the behavior. We don’t want to miss a stress response or call for help from abuse or neglect. Therefore, it is critical that parents interpret their own child’s communication and share this with others. (For example, perhaps a child who has been happy to be left at a childcare setting suddenly seems fearful. A parent would investigate any changes in the drop-off routine or the people at childcare before assuming that this might be typical stranger anxiety that often occurs at 10 months of age.)
Observe during regular check ins.
All behavior is communication, so watch even more carefully if your child’s language is delayed for safety purposes. You might incorporate checking in with your young child into your bath time routines, getting ready for bed, after reading a story, or anytime you can take your time and look/observe/listen/share with your child. For older kids, late-night chats, sharing car time, or waiting in line for something to begin are good times to check in and find out how they are doing. Discussing a news story or video clip together can be another opportunity to talk about safety, well-being, or any other concerns in a neutral way, natural way. Watch and wait for openings.
What kinds of things do we ask during check-in?
Make your questions routine so your child knows what to expect. Ask open-ended questions, and listen/watch for the answers to: What was your favorite thing that happened today? What worried you? How safe did you feel? What do you have questions about–anything bothering you? I want you to know you are important to me.
Some families incorporate these discussions into dinner table talk with the Rose/Thorn or similar metaphor. What was your rose today? What was your thorn? What do you need strength for tomorrow?
Kidpower Teenpower Fullpower International has developed an exceptional curriculum and many resources to teach people of all ages and abilities about personal safety and most importantly, child protection and prevention.
The Kidpower Put Safety First Commitment™ helps us to overcome the uncomfortable feelings that can get in the way of advocating for our kids:
I WILL put the safety and well-being of myself and others ahead of ANYONE’s embarrassment, inconvenience or offense – including my own.
The Kidpower Protection Promise™ is a clear message to remember for ourselves and to communicate to our kids through our actions, that, no matter what, their safety is important to us. It goes like this:
YOU are very important to me. If you have a safety problem, I want to know – even if I seem too busy, even if someone we care about will be upset, even if it is embarrassing, even if you promised not to tell, and even if you made a mistake. Please tell me and I will do everything in my power to help you.
We think both statements should be committed to memory. Share the Kidpower Promise with the kids in your life regularly and make sure that your actions are consistent with your commitment. The Promise can be useful during “check in” and to remind ourselves, as parents, about what is truly important.
If a child is not yet communicating, a traffic light image may be a simple visual resource to indicate all is well (green), I have a question or a concern (yellow) or I need help (red).
Give plenty of wait-time when asking, and model the answer to begin to teach this response. (If it was a happy afternoon at the zoo, you could say or sign, “I think you had a green day–you are smiling and relaxed.” Be cautious about re-asking (child may think they answered wrong the first time if there is a repeat question). Parents can teach concepts of safe/unsafe through stories, such as Little Red Riding Hood. (How would the story change if she had invited a buddy to go with her on her forest walk, and left at the first sign of danger to tell a trusted adult?)
Some children are more introverted and would benefit from encouragement to share openly with parents about their day. Try doing something together to warm up, and then broaching the topic, or sharing a news story from social media or television with an older child versus “lecturing” a child.
Following these practices can lay the groundwork for keeping our children safe. Checking in with your child regularly can make all the difference in the world towards safeguarding and protecting our most vulnerable among us. ~
Editor’s note: To access the Parent Safety Toolkit, go to: https://handsandvoices.org/pdf/OUR-Toolkit.pdf For more information about the O.U.R. project, and for upcoming events, go to: https://handsandvoices.org/resources/OUR/index.htm
H&V Communicator – Spring 2025