O.U.R. Children’s Safety Project

It’s Okay to Not be Okay

By Sara Kennedy, H&V Headquarters

As people who are in support positions to others, taking a look at our own adjustment to crises and remembering to take the actions that we know will bring us back to emotional steadiness is critical. In the April 2020 meeting of the O.U.R. Children’s Safety Project, we did just that.

After pondering how to approach her team about taking a more proactive role in children’s safety, Rabab Elbaharia, British Columbia H&V, scheduled a virtual visit with Harold Johnson to explore how to introduce the Project. The two went through available resources and discussed the possible questions. In the end, Elbaharia decided to take a very practical approach, first showing the video about the Project created by Washington GBYS Coordinator Christine Griffin, and then simply going through the resources already available, from the Safety Toolkit to presentations and the Council for Exceptional Children policy on child maltreatment as she shared what she had learned about the need for greater awareness, understanding, and prevention efforts related to child safety.

Elbaharia had two common responses from her group that were helpful to discuss with the community of learners. We have always encouraged parents and professionals to call the Childhelp hotline number (1-800-4-A-Child) for assistance before reporting maltreatment. Her group questioned that. She wisely pointed out that sometimes parents and professionals might need courage to report or wisdom to discern what they were seeing, and benefit from dialogue about exactly who to call in their area, how they might approach their report, and next steps in their particular situation, that are all available from the confidential hotline. Secondly, a concern was expressed that this topic was too dark for a new family to learn about. Since language development is an accepted priority in early intervention, Elbaharia pointed out that naming and understanding feelings and the ability to retell a story or even say “no” (and have that right respected) are key components of the O.U.R. Project that early interventionists focus on already. The O.U.R. Project just puts those efforts into the context of teaching about child safety. As a result of the meeting, more Guides are connecting with families on this topic and O.U.R. Project resources are now included on the BC H&V website.

Minnesota H&V Parent Guide Leslie Hilde shared that she has begun to create social media “bytes” of information about the Project from existing presentation materials. Using text and pictures from the California H&V webinar on Enhancing Safety & Expanding Independence presented last year, she created easily shareable documents to raise awareness on specific components of the O.U.R. Project. Watch for these to appear in the Chapter log-in section of the website and shared through Chapter Facebook group files. The Safety Toolkit and the Washington state webinar on birth-to-three issues are other sources of information that could easily convert to shareable posts. 

The community of learners then shared in a dialogue about the impact of social isolation on children’s safety and the well-being of families. Dr. Johnson noted that child welfare experts fear a spike of abuse during COVID-19, with the added stress of economic struggles, remote learning, lack of typical social outlets, and even the idea that kids are suddenly #safeathome but without the physical outlets and playgrounds, the friendships or connections, and sometimes the stability of employment or housing that sustains parents and caregivers (and kids) through times of stress. The PBS News Hour he referenced that even the uncertainty of how long the pandemic will last causes anxiety, tension and irritability.

Chapters are actively reaching out to families. Minnesota and Colorado H&V shared that they are posting wellness ideas and checking in times with families and co-workers about how they are doing. California hosted a webinar with Jennifer Johnson on the emotional needs of children during remote learning. Janet DesGeorges shared several resources about resilience and stress, and positive things one can do to shift from worry (borrowing anxiety about the future) to appreciating the now and being a bright spot to others.  Sara Kennedy shared from Carrie Contey, an infant mental health specialist, who says that “emotional hygiene is just as important as the physical hygiene and guidelines these days.” Checking in with yourself daily: “What do I need today? What am I feeling? What am I appreciating? What thoughts are not helpful?” can help to redirect thoughts from anxiety and worry to what we can control today. Remembering that feelings are like weather states that come and go, but learning to recognize them and name them, and turning to what we are now appreciating or grateful for, is a powerful way to steady ourselves in order to support others.

• For self-care, call participants shared that they were:
• Reaching out to others to keep relationships going
• Helping others in need
• Learning new things
• Visiting museums online, taking advantage of online concerts, plays, etc.
• Hosting family game nights (and with others through video)
• Checking in with a partner if available, creative at-home date nights
• Cleaning or organizing to reduce worry
• Trying to get exercise, sunlight and reducing social media and prioritizing sleep

Christien Griffin shared about the mammalian brain states (see more in this issue). Using nonverbal cues, touch, play, quiet, and even food helps someone come back into regulation. The power of reaching out is huge. Even just one positive relationship can keep children safe from effects of trauma. What if kids could look back at this time in their personal histories as a time when the family pulled together, spent more intentional time together, and worked together to get through it?

If any parent or caregiver feels they are at risk of causing harm to their child, these are first-aid suggestions:

• Call a friend
• Call 1-800-4-a-Child or other helpline, like the Crisis Textline (Text connect to 74141)
• Call a pediatrician or other health provider
• Set up a safe activity for your child for some quiet to reflect
• Take a walk outside (while maintaining a safe social distance of at least six feet from anyone who doesn’t live in your household)
• For infants, place them in a crib, step away and draw deep breaths to cool off

Specific to families, Chresta Brinkman noted that a Vook Club book called After the Fall: How Humpty Dumpty Got Back Up Again about resilience and getting past one’s fears might be especially appropriate to share with children at this time. It does not have the ending you would expect. (The Vook Club curates a list of books and videos teaching about aspects of well-being and healthy relationships and is a part of the O.U.R. Children’s Safety Project.) The Project will close out the school year with speakers Jenna Voss and Irene van der Zande on the May and June conference calls.   ~

H&V Communicator – Summer 2020