How Running Prepared Me for D/HH Plus Parenting

by Amy Keslinke, IL H&V

Long before I had kids, running has been one of my greatest sources of joy, from the rush of a race to the serenity of a long, quiet run on a weekend morning. While the years since my first 5K have seen my distances get lower and my times get longer, those years have also brought me some amazing things, including two fabulous children, one of whom is D/HH Plus. While I may not be running as much or as fast as I used to, the lessons I’ve learned from running are surprisingly applicable to how it feels to raise a D/HH Plus kid. Here are just a few:

Recovery Days are Just as Important as the Long Runs.

Every runner learns the hard way that the rest is just as important as the work. Putting in too much work without enough rest to make up for it is a recipe for burnout and injury. On the flip side, when you lace your shoes back up after some rest time, chances are it’s going to be a good run.

The same goes for Plus parenting. While rest days aren’t a luxury we can always carve out, we have all learned the hard lesson of how it feels to do too much of the work without enough rest. Just this afternoon, after a long and busy day with more to-do’s up ahead in the evening, an email from my son’s school popped up. My first instinct was to tap the reply button and get to typing a response pointing out all the ways the school could do better for my kid. However, the wisest runners know when it’s time for a break. So, I shut my computer and went about the rest of my day. Tomorrow, after I’ve had a chance to recover and let my advocate muscles repair themselves, I can get back to work with renewed energy and sharper skills.

Get All the Shoe Recommendations You Want, but You Won’t Know if They’re Right for You Until You Run in Them.

When you’re a runner looking for shoes, you might start with a Google search. Wrong choice. You’ll get lots of results and recommendations, but you simply can’t know what shoe will work for you unless you try. Finding the best shoes involves a trip to the running store, measurements, and trying pairs out on the treadmill, or experts, data, and putting it into practice.

Plus parents know this lesson all too well. People have all sorts of recommendations for what to do with a certain diagnosis and which approach is best. But, just like shopping for shoes, with D/HH Plus kiddos, you simply can’t know until you try. You’ve got to find the experts, collect the data, and then give it a try. That might mean you try on eight different pairs before finding the one that fits, but, once you find that right one, you know it was worth saying no to the other seven.

Most Days, You’re the Only One on the Trail.

Running can be a lonely hobby. Registering for a race is also signing up for a lot of hours on the trails on your own. Sometimes, it’s nice. But after you’ve put in weeks, then months, of training and logged hundreds of miles, it gets just plain lonely. Every once in a while, though, you’ll cross paths with another runner and look them in the eyes, knowing they get it.

Raising a D/HH Plus kid is full of instances where you have to put in the work and feel like no one is seeing it, and no one feels your pain. I find, though, that it’s when you least expect it, someone comes by who knows your path. Those moments, which can even be as small as finding someone who can communicate in your kiddo’s unique way while you’re out and about, light up the path and help you go the extra mile. Then there are the days that remind you why you do this in the first place. For runners, it’s race day. You train and train, and, then, on race day, you’re surrounded by people who are just like you. It had been so long, you forgot they were out there, but race day fills you up and reminds you that you are a part of something bigger.

For D/HH Plus parents, those days aren’t as predictable as a race day on a calendar, but they can be just as fulfilling. Maybe it’s the conference you go to every year full of parents who get it. Maybe it’s a Facebook group where you know you can always turn when you need advice. Or maybe it’s a few moms who wait in the cold to see your kiddo go by at the very end of the school Halloween parade (you know who you are!). These moments make every long, hard, lonely run worth it, because you know that you’re not alone.

It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint.

Of course, the most obvious running metaphor of all is that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Cliche as it may be, we all know it’s true. Lucky for us D/HH Plus parents, our reward is better than a medal or a cool race t-shirt. We’ve got our amazing D/HH Plus kiddos who love us and trust us with all their hearts. We don’t have to wait until the end of the race for our reward either. We get to see our unique child shine their light on the world and help make their light brighter. That is better than any medal you could earn.  ~

Editor’s note: Amy Keslinke was a previous Parent Guide and now serves as the Illinois Chapter President.

H&V Communicator – Winter 2024/25